Turning the FREAKING FROGS GAY (BoB GLOG Class: UFO Truther)

#GLOGtober Day 1 Prompt 1

The recent Buckets of Blood craze in the GLOGosphere has truly captured my heart. Its irreverent homage to the darkest, stupidest parts of Americana is something that I would love to sink into like a crow in a carcass- with gory enthusiasm and grim gusto. So here’s my first take on a BoB class, hope y’all hate it.

UFO TRUTHER

Starting Equipment: A clunky HAM radio, a satellite telescope, many charts and diagrams in a portable poster tube, a really weird scar, a vest with many pockets (as light armor), a camera that takes blurry black-and-white photos.
Starting Skills: one of 1) HAM radio law and community 2)hacking 3)complicated math 4)astrology and astronomy, mushed together 5)journalism 6)panhandling

A: Abduction, +1 Alien Contacted, +1 MD
B: Conspiracy Sense, +1 Alien Contacted, +1 MD
C: UFO Fragment, +1 Alien Contacted, +1 MD
D: Test Subject, +1 MD

Abduction: You were taken by the men from the sky and experimented on, and you won’t shut up about it. You barely remember what happened aboard the UFO, but they had probed and prodded you sore in bizarre experiments. Ever since then, you’ve been wise to the truth of this world and can see the secret tracks of aliens through modern society. You have established contact with three different alien races, and have managed to decipher just enough of their language to ask for them to do simple and strange things. Each day, choose which alien civilizations to be in contact with that day, and roll on their Extraterrestrial Influence table. Roll your Moon Dice to activate Influences- on a 1-3 they return to your pool, but on a 4-6 they are exhausted for the day as your brain struggles to handle the psychic pressure of prolonged exposure to alien emanations. When rolling doubles on an Influence, roll on the Backlash table. When rolling triples for the first time, you suffer the first Abduction, then the second the next time and the final after the third.

Conspiracy Sense: With a minute’s concentration, you can detect the presence of UFO metal, government agents, and items strongly psychically attuned to the first two things. You know the type, direction, and approximate distance of any detected phenomena within a mile. You always know if you’re being recorded, though sometimes it’s just the aliens watching from space.

UFO Fragment: You’ve successfully attuned your psychic energies to be able to interact with UFOs. You can operate the doors, lights, and systems of UFO’s you are aboard. Also, you can attach or incorporate a piece of UFO metal you’ve found into a technological object. Invest MD and it will gain extraterrestrial enhancements to its original function for [dice]x10 minutes. You regain your MD when the metal is removed from the object, which also permanently destroys the object. Find one piece of UFO scrap metal when you gain this template, and possibly others during play.

Test Subject: All your ability scores improve by 1. Whenever you would die, your corpse drops dead to the ground and you wake up in the kitchen of an abandoned house within thirty miles in a body that’s almost identical to your own, missing the last 24 hours of your memory. If you are shot by a government agent wearing dark sunglasses, this regeneration does not function until you dig the bullet out.

Aliens
Your experiences with the extraterrestrials and naturally gifted psychic abilities allowed you to perceive the injustices wreaked against the human species, and your careful purification of yourself from 5G waves, fluorine, chemtrail-heavy urban centers, and deep-space psychic suppressant radiation projected from the Nixon administration’s CIA moon base. Whether you oppose the alien’s attempt at societal control or have joined the winning side, you are able to communicate in their psychic frequencies in short, coded bursts, and the aliens will aid you as one of their agents. Working directly against the interests of a species has its repercussions however- you lose any daily influences from that species and cannot contact them again until you do something worse to one of the others.

Reptoids: These reptilian aliens from the Alpha Draconis system are master shapeshifters and can disguise themselves as pale, thin men with only a few moments concentration. Intent on world domination, they have infiltrated almost every form of authority on the planet. Governments, McDonalds management teams, Parent-Teacher Organizations, police departments, IT help lines, and celebrities interviewed on Oprah, chances are at least one in five are secretly snake-people. They fly fast, sharp triangular ships and answer communications in either perfectly accented but completely meaningless French or in bursts of psychic pressure.

1. Slit Pupils. The implanted cybernetics in your eyes flicker on, allowing you to see hazy afterimages of objects as your vision moves. Reptoids are obvious to you even cloaked or in human disguise. You have a [templates] in 4 chance to automatically notice secret doors and traps. Spend MD to add [sum] to detect lies or [dice] to an attack.
2. Infiltrated Society. A knowing glance tells you this is your contact. An otherwise completely random person emerges from a corner and beckons you to an otherwise completely random door. Behind it is a small cubby with [dice] garment bags filled with skinsuits of people whose faces you don’t recognize. Wearing this suit causes you to look almost exactly like them, except for slightly tight looking skin. With 3 dice, it can be skinsuits of particular people you have a photo of.
3. Reptoid Venom. Your saliva glands begin to drool a narcotic venom that knocks out and erases one hour of memory from one humanoid. Poison can be applied via injury, or ingested. Children cannot save, adults can save at a -2, and government agents are immune while wearing dark sunglasses. You drool excessively the entire day, and must keep hydrated or suffer your venom’s effects.

Greys: These tall, bulbous-headed grey humanoids from Alpha Centauri are master psychics and mechanics, and have infiltrated the government alongside the Reptoids. However, whereas the snake-people work secretly within the top levels of the government, the Greys worked with the Truman administration and each subsequent president openly among the top brass, trading advanced secrets for platinum and human hormones. How do you think they invented 5G mind control waves so quickly??? STEVE JOBS IS A GOVERNMENT PLANT WORKING WITH THE GREYS TO SUPPRESS HUMAN PSYCHIC ABILITIES WHILE FLUORINE-CONTAMINATED WATER GROWS OUR PINEAL GLANDS TO HARVEST SIZE FOR THE EXTRATERRESTRIALS! YOU’RE ALL SHEEP! They fly round, bubbled UFOs with triangular landing gears and answer communications in overlapping and multi-gendered psychic voices.

1. Gravity Control Beam. Using their tractor beams from orbit, you can have an object, person, or area become weightless for up to [sum] minutes. Living beings get a save to resist. With one die, you can lift about the size of one human- with 2, a horse, with 3, a bus, with 4, a building. Weightless objects can be pushed and moved, but massive objects still have mass, and will therefore be difficult to manipulate by hand.
2. Secret Government Backdoor. You psychically receive the classified backdoor code for any electronic device. Hand-held camera, security alarm, car, pocket calculator, if it was manufactured after 1947, this code gives you unfettered access to the device. You rub certain parts with a magnet in a particular way and type a 15-digit code into a keyboard, and suddenly you can psychically control the device for [sum] minutes as long as you are within 100 yards. With 1 die, you can bypass any password. With 2, you bypass any physical keys required. With 3, you bypass dna-verification. With 4, you bypass government and UFO level psychic interrogation protocols.
3. 5G Sleeper Activation. The psychic domination waves emanated by all modern 5G-enabled devices abruptly intensifies around the target. Humans who haven’t cleansed themselves of government-propagated toxins receive no save, government agents wearing dark sunglasses save at -2, and aliens are immune. Beings who fail their save are reduced to a dream-like obedience state for [dice]x2 rounds, answering any questions truthfully and obeying simple commands. Mortal peril can reactivate the hindbrain during this psychic domination- pointing a gun in their face, asking them to walk off a cliff, or the sound of Justin Bieber songs immediately wake the sleeper and put them into a purely instinctual fight-or-flight response for the next d6 minutes.

Martians: The little green men from Mars have been getting a lot of press recently- an attempt by government propaganda to disguise the horrible truth of the Martian invasion. Whereas other alien races prefer a stealthy and cautious approach, the bloodmongers of Mars are intent on all-out war. The government, with the help of the Greys, have been able to shield the planet and the moon from orbital bombardment (even establishing the false history of July 4th to disguise the annual nuclear impacts on the orbital shield), and successfully delayed the invasion. Martian agents abduct suspected government agents to interrogate about the shield’s control center and send small kill teams onto the ground to find and shut it down. They fly long, tripod-like ships and answer communications in angry, grunted English interspersed with native Martian words for the inadequacy of humans.

1. Integrated Weapon System. The aliens reactivate the hidden laser cannon they replaced your forearm with. You may transform your non-dominant arm into a ranged weapon that deals [dice]d6 of damage on a hit and ignores cover from anything but silver and UFO metal. The transformation lasts for [sum] rounds.
2. Emergency Shield Diversion. You pull power borrowed from other on-planet martian agents into a psychic deflection shield. [dice] targets are completely protected from the next [sum]x2 points of damage that occurs within [dice] rounds. Martian weapons pierce this shield, as do frogs and zombies- the anti-psychic emanations of “frogs” (everyone knows they're actually a Martian-native organism who emanate antimemetic null fields) and the mindlessness of zombies collapse shields entirely upon contact.
3. Bovine Supply Drop. With a moment’s confirmation, you are given a direction and distance. Following this heading will lead you within a half-hour’s walk to an ordinary-looking cow amongst a herd of other ordinary looking cows. The one you’re looking for is actually a supply drop, and opening its mechanical flank reveals [dice] medpacks (d6 healing to any one target), [sum] slots of rations and unfluoridated water, a ray gun with [dice] shots (exploding d4 ranged weapon), and 6 radios on a frequency reserved for Chilean number stations. The cow will explode within 5 minutes of the supply’s retrieval, dealing 6d6 worth of damage to everything within 15 feet, and 3d6 within 30.

Backlash

1. Your cybernetics malfunction and surge with power- take a d4 of damage and all electronics within ten feet of you crackle and catch fire.
2. You accidentally connect to a psychic channel reserved for breaking interrogation victims. You collapse to the ground, comatose for d4 rounds, overcome with visions of horrific torture.
3. The government’s cell towers pick up your psychic emanations and decode your social security number from them. Any bank account, video game account, email account, credit cards, phone number, or other personalized electronic identification is seized by the government. Any extra psychic powers gained from sufficiently high Candy Crush Saga levels are lost until your account is regained. Also any money not in cash is lost forever.
4. Automated drone systems detect your unusually high psychic emanations and call a chemtrail burst over your location. In d6 minutes, the area within 1 mile becomes blanketed in an invisible gas that exhausts all your MD on contact and blocks radio signals coming in and out. Aliens are immune to this effect, though their radio signals are not.
5. Your request gets garbled- the aliens aren’t sure what you asked, so they default to violence. The target of your intended effect is instead dealt [sum]/2 damage, and everything within [dice]x10 feet is dealt [sum/4] damage. This burst of psychic pressure deals no damage to aliens of the species of your intended Influence.
6. Your brain catches fire and then explodes. You die. Wake up as the Test Subject ability, even if you don’t have Template D. Beings within three feet of you are coated in slightly radioactive brain sludge and take 1 damage.

Abductions

1. 2d6 black vans filled with d6 government agents wearing dark sunglasses each abruptly screech to a stop around you, or surrounding the entrances and exits of the area you are in if you are not under open sky. You may either surrender to their ‘justice’ or call in an emergency extraction, being abducted by a random alien’s UFO after d4 rounds of combat. They set you down somewhere else within 50 miles and keep the agents distracted long enough for you to re-establish secrecy.
2. The aliens are unhappy with your limited human capabilities. You are abducted from wherever you are, and returned to the group d4 hours later with certain… modifications. Roll 2d6 and assign them to modification or limb. Even- removed, Odd- additional. 1- Left Arm, 2- Right Arm, 3- Left Leg, 4- Right Leg, 5- Heart, 6- Head.
3. Your final abduction has come. The next time you are under open sky, you are abducted into a joint task force of all aliens. You are never seen again. Kill squads of the joint task force hunt you down every d4 days if you evade abduction for that long.